Quitting is not an option

When opportunities keep knocking…

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I’m sat in uni and should be studying as while the trimester is almost over, I’ve still got a couple of reports and an exam to go. Funny thing is originally I started this post over the weekend and the following few paragraphs were my headspace then.

“Yes, I’m procrastinating. I should be finishing off a qualitative research analysis report due for Tuesday; or filling out my VRA log, but instead I’m sat here blogging.  Thing is I know why, my headspace has been a little off for the last few days, and I can’t concentrate.

I’ve had a fairly good week so far, then it hit Thursday and things started to go awry.  I sent my fella a couple of update videos on my squats and RDLs, along with some of my mate T (Spirited Fitness), whose training with me.  The conversation my partner and I had started off well enough, T is actually doing ok given she’s only been training for a few weeks with me.  So, I’m not doing a bad job of teaching her.

That’s when it got a bit disheartening.

I’ve got some issues showing in my own form.

I knew already when I watched the replay of the videos before I sent them that something was going on.  Ended up getting my lad to video me again for a better insight; and yep, there’s definitely something going on.  Which hurts when you come out of a workout feeling happy because you’ve just done your personal best that felt really good, and then realise you’re screwing things up.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not doing really bad.  There’s just a slight imbalance in my body throwing me off kilter that I can’t see; or feel, when I’m doing the exercises.  It just became one of those realisation moments when I’m sat on this side of the world, and the man who could help me is sat on the other side, and all I want is for him to be here to help me.”

Hope or Despair

Thing is it’s almost a week later now since I wrote the above.  I havent trained this week. Lack of time was a big issue, though I also admit motivation had hit rock bottom.  In fact; headspace was that low, I hadn’t only hit the bottom of the barrel I’d dug 4 foot under it. However,  I haven’t been idle either.  I got on with assignments; dealt with a kid who was sick, and out of the blue was given an opportunity to expand my horizons from an unexpected angle.

Last night this opportunity took potentially an even better turn; and while I’m keeping the information to myself for the time being, let’s just say I’m hoping I can pull it off in the next few weeks.

So I guess this post is to remind myself that no matter how low I get; or how many times I feel like I’m struggling to stay afloat, my life always seems to throw up positives.  I may have days (yesterday was one) where I wake up and just feel so out of sorts I’ll end up crying for no reason at all. However, I can never really quit on myself; because despite my tendency to prepare for the worst, my stubborn inner core knows there’s likely to be something good coming.

I’ll sleep when I’m dead

When sleep don’t come easy…

It’s been a  hectic week, but I’m heading into the weekend with positive thoughts in my head.  Which is a lot better than where my headspace was at 0800 hours Monday morning.

Issues with kids are never a good start to anyone’s day.  Neither is sitting at your computer an hour later; working out the day’s plan in your head as you fill out a form, and suddenly realise it’s the 27th and you have a university report deadline at 1700 hours the following day.  Needless to say all plans went out the window.  My Tai Chi class was skipped, my workout was scrapped, and emergency measures instigated.

Problem was; it wasn’t I hadn’t done any work, I’d just lost track of the date and had spent the weekend doing other reports that are also due over the next few weeks.  However; a full day of me working on computer, and proofreading by my lovely partner, saw me going to bed with a report that was basically finished.  The following morning had me just doing a final proofread and checking the referencing before submitting and heading off to my business research class.

The rest of the week has gotten better over time.  Workouts got done on Tuesday and Wednesday; another report is almost complete, a group assignment has been started, and I’ve even helped my training partner (Spirited Fitness) start her own blog to record her journey.  In fact there’s only one issue I can’t seem to fix at the moment, and that’s my sleeping habits.

decent-sleep

I’ve always had issues sleeping.  Some people would class me as an insomniac, but years ago several doctors agreed I didn’t fit the criteria as I don’t display the classic signs.  It wasn’t I couldn’t sleep;  and would lay tossing and turning, even though I was tired. It was I just didn’t get tired.  I could function normally for a few days (my personal record is 5 days) with no sleep; and then would crash for hours, or spend a few days catnapping as well as going to bed.

Now I do get more tired (probably old age lol); and my max is usually two days before I’m ready for my bed.  However; now there are nights I lay awake trying to sleep but it doesn’t come, or I wake up at regular intervals.  I’m still able to function properly the following day, but I can feel less refreshed than I should.

Funny thing is though; I can go to sleep easily during the day for a few hours, if I have the time which is rare.  Another interesting factor is; I rarely have issues sleeping properly at night if I’m in New Zealand with my fella.

With my weight training I know I need the sleep to help my body recover.  So I guess I’ve just got to try to figure out how to make myself drop off and get a decent night’s sleep on a more regular basis than I am.