I’m sat in uni and should be studying as while the trimester is almost over, I’ve still got a couple of reports and an exam to go. Funny thing is originally I started this post over the weekend and the following few paragraphs were my headspace then.
“Yes, I’m procrastinating. I should be finishing off a qualitative research analysis report due for Tuesday; or filling out my VRA log, but instead I’m sat here blogging. Thing is I know why, my headspace has been a little off for the last few days, and I can’t concentrate.
I’ve had a fairly good week so far, then it hit Thursday and things started to go awry. I sent my fella a couple of update videos on my squats and RDLs, along with some of my mate T (Spirited Fitness), whose training with me. The conversation my partner and I had started off well enough, T is actually doing ok given she’s only been training for a few weeks with me. So, I’m not doing a bad job of teaching her.
That’s when it got a bit disheartening.
I’ve got some issues showing in my own form.
I knew already when I watched the replay of the videos before I sent them that something was going on. Ended up getting my lad to video me again for a better insight; and yep, there’s definitely something going on. Which hurts when you come out of a workout feeling happy because you’ve just done your personal best that felt really good, and then realise you’re screwing things up.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not doing really bad. There’s just a slight imbalance in my body throwing me off kilter that I can’t see; or feel, when I’m doing the exercises. It just became one of those realisation moments when I’m sat on this side of the world, and the man who could help me is sat on the other side, and all I want is for him to be here to help me.”
Thing is it’s almost a week later now since I wrote the above. I havent trained this week. Lack of time was a big issue, though I also admit motivation had hit rock bottom. In fact; headspace was that low, I hadn’t only hit the bottom of the barrel I’d dug 4 foot under it. However, I haven’t been idle either. I got on with assignments; dealt with a kid who was sick, and out of the blue was given an opportunity to expand my horizons from an unexpected angle.
Last night this opportunity took potentially an even better turn; and while I’m keeping the information to myself for the time being, let’s just say I’m hoping I can pull it off in the next few weeks.
So I guess this post is to remind myself that no matter how low I get; or how many times I feel like I’m struggling to stay afloat, my life always seems to throw up positives. I may have days (yesterday was one) where I wake up and just feel so out of sorts I’ll end up crying for no reason at all. However, I can never really quit on myself; because despite my tendency to prepare for the worst, my stubborn inner core knows there’s likely to be something good coming.